India Transport

There are various methods of transport in India ranging from suicidal to suicidal.

1. Walking
2. Motorbike
3. Rickshaw (auto or bike)
4. Car
5. Taxi (distinct from private cars as the drivers seem to have death wishes)
6. Government bus
7. Private Bus (deluxe or semi-deluxe)
8. Volvo (coach)
9. Train

Walking is perhaps the most hazardous transport medium if you’re near a road and the one least undertaken by middle class Indians. There are no such things as pedestrian crossings, sure they are painted on the road but if you are to use one you’d be painted on the road, then painted around by the traffic police. I recently had to cross a busy road and after waiting several minutes for a break in the traffic I almost went back to ask the soothsayer when the next break in traffic would be.

Auto Rickshaws are fantastic concept, most of the time when you want to use a taxi you only need two seats or maybe three so why waste money dragging around additional seats and a boot when it’s not necessary. So the rickshaw is the answer, a three wheeled yellow and black bird cage powered by a lawnmower engine. They can be very scary depending on the driver you have managed to flag down and negotiate either the activation of the meter or a charge you’re both happy with. Rickshaw drivers basically hurl their vehicle through every gap in the traffic they can find. I’m sure several times I’ve been in one that’s somehow managed to occupy another vehicles space time somehow without having an accident.

The rickshaw drivers for reasons only known to themselves mount their side mirrors on the inside of the cab, orientated so that the only thing they can see is the back seat. The mirrors also frequently have written on them “Objects in the mirror appear closer than they are” which strikes me as terribly useless because by the time an object you would like to see in your mirrors is visible it has crushed through the back wall of your vehicle.

A bus provides exactly n – 5 inches of leg room, where n is the distance between hip and knee. A semi deluxe or deluxe bus are really the same thing but when you book the tickets you’re told that the bus is deluxe and yet when it arrives it’s clearly semi. On top of that the deluxe is really a misnomer as the bus is really not deluxe but tolerable. I suggest redefining the classes are tolerable and barely tolerable.

A Volvo bus is wonderful and is equivalent to our coach class. Though it usually involves deafening Bollywood movie, but headphones or ear plugs reduce that to a racket.

In all the transport options only the train is safe and then only if you aren’t taking the class that involves hanging out of the train. In many cases without a molecule of your body inside the actual train as your are literally hanging off someone else.

Space is an important concept, Dr Karl said that of all forms of transport a 747 has the smallest amount of space per person. He obviously hasn’t seen the Indian transport packing solution. Frequently I have seen cars, bikes or rickshaws loaded to the roof with people. A small 5 seater car can easily contain 11 people if packed properly, two people per front seat (including the driver seat) and 5 people squished on the back seat and two additional kids peeking out the boot. In the same manner 8 people + a driver can be fitted in to an auto, a device designed to take 2 in a semblance of comfort.